A Sudanese family have come to live in our middle class neighbourhood.
It's an affluent suburb, 30% of residents are Jewish, and while there is some socioeconomic diversity (eg a few housing commission blocks) there have been virtually no people of colour in the area until now.
One mum and 6 primary school aged children are living in emergency housing, attending the local Presbyterian Church, and the local primary school. They are tall, stately, and striking with their dark skin, braided hair and hennaed hands. Some have taken on Western names, provided by their church: mum Nyanur becomes Mary, Bol becomes Michael, Tot becomes Thomas, Nyandit becomes Elizabeth. Just the oldest (Nyamal) and youngest twins (Nyawyn and Tot) keep their own, beautiful names. Dad is still in Sudan with his other wife.
As an OT with a background in disability and integration, and sibling of an adopted 'mixed race' brother, I value assimilation and integration leading to normalcy. Instead of assimilation or being marginalised, the families’ differences have been embraced!
They are cherished by the school and their church group; they are afforded more opportunities and cut more slack than other school families. Each child has been spontaneously been 'taken on' by a particular friend and their family. They have been bought swimming lessons, full footy strip, winter coats, taken to the MCG to watch the game, collected and dropped off after birthday parties with no expectation of bringing a gift, enrolled in the holiday program free of charge. Funds were raised to purchase bicycles for all family members, including helmets, pumps, and weekend lessons on riding organised at the local park. A joint birthday party to celebrate their (unknown) birthdays was held with over a hundred church and school friends present, and the families’ airfare debt was paid off through fundraising at this event. This is not equality - but is it the next best thing?
There was a footy day at school - many kids came in $200 football strip in their teams colours, but Bol, an 8 year old, came holding a piece of popped balloon in his teams colours (all 6 of them picked different teams and took that very seriously) and he proudly marched around the oval with that. A father instantly bought them each a big footy scarf in the appropriate colours - but Bol was quite OK with his symbol. I wonder if plying them with things we value - that they are unlikely to be able to afford themselves - is helpful?
There are many ways in which we have benefited from having them in our lives. The sharp contrast in resources and life experiences has caused a ripple effect of reflection on the part of many parents and children. The school families tell me that it has been an epiphany for our coddled, overscheduled, and immature offspring who have so many possessions but want the next tamagotchi on the shelf... to get to know a family with nothing, where older siblings look after younger ones, where one mum manages 6 children comprising 2 sets of twins, and remind us of how little 'stuff' we need for happiness.
The family experience many occupational issues - changing from 2 meals a day to 3, coping with instrumental activities of daily living (ATM, operating shopping trolleys, calling the plumber for the blocked toilet), making and keeping appointments, leaving after a visit to a friend (they seem to stay all day!)
Many of their habitual patterns challenge us: leaving the children at home alone, expecting the 12 year old to cook for the family, different roles for boys and girls. We worry that Mary does not know where the kids are at all times, that sundry parents drive them to and from school when the kids ask, and that 2 prep children walk 3 kms home across busy roads with siblings not always there. We are amazed to find that these children can take responsibility for each other, move quietly away to weep if they hurt themselves, and share everything. Is it possibly that ours could too?
My observations of this family, and reflections on my role as friend and support to the mother, brought me to OOFRAS Victoria for mentoring and advice. My practice is actually in consultancy and research around assistive technology. I have Gail Whiteford to thank for a particular insight at the last Victorian OT conference: that refugee issues and assistive technology essentially concern the same thing - occupational opportunity!
As you can see in my narrative, we are operating on essentially a charitable model, which is problematic for a number of reasons - not least the unequal power it infers, the lack of equality the family experiences in being able to give back, and the issue of compassion fatigue that may occur.
I was so lucky to have an ‘in’ with the family - the social worker made contact with us so they could walk to school with our Walking School Bus and I co-ordinate that particular route – so this was an appropriate and ‘nornal’ path to form a friendship and make contact. I know that on rainy days any number of parents will offer the family a lift home (this involves many vehicles!), and now Mary is one of the bus ‘conductors’ thus participating in getting other people’s kids so school.
While the confidence, happiness and life skills of this family today is noticeably different one year on, sometime gifts do not seem to be valued, and I guess the question this leaves me with is: if I were in the Sudan and I was given a chicken - would I know if this were a big or small thing?
Regardless - I hope someone would take the step to connect with me.
Natasha Layton August 2007
